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Divorce comes to The Housewives of Atlanta! This time the split is between newcomer Porsha Stewart and her soon to be ex, Kordell Stewart, a former NFL player for the Pittsburgh Steelers. As the season started, all looked idyllic and rosy for the fairly newlywed Stewarts, and we began to get acquainted with them and shall we say Kordell’s rather old-school model of marriage. In one episode he apparently set rules over who could come to the house in his absence to visit Porsha. In another episode he seemed to be limiting the amount of time Porsha could be away from the house. In yet another episode where the girls all went to Las Vegas, Porsha made the comment that Kordell “let” her go on the trip, much to the eyebrow raises of the other ladies in the group.

Despite the play by play of various episodes, I am more interested in the red flags along the way, that led many of us to give the side eye to Mr. Kordell Stewart, and how Mrs. Porsha Stewart seemed to be losing her own identity. As the season progressed (and continues to air at this date) Porsha began to have some ideas of her own about having a career, and how she wanted to incorporate having a child into that plan. Kordell said that she must do one or the other, and that a nanny would not be acceptable.

Now, ladies, I talk all the time about how successful, independent women can have relationships and not lose themselves in the process. As I watched this drama being played out, I saw signs of Porsha attempting to live that out. She wanted things for herself; she wanted to craft an identity other than Mrs. Kordell Stewart. Yet, I also saw that she was trying very hard to conform to his standard of marriage in order to please him. I recognized then that the cost would be very high for Porsha if she continued along that path. It is always costly to give oneself away in order to please another person.

Allow their story to be a cautionary tale in all of our relationships. Compromise is often required in a marriage, but neither partner should feel compelled to give up pieces of who they are, or the things that he or she believes to be important.

Although divorce is never easy or pleasant, sometimes one has to save oneself.

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